


would that i

by nolightss



Series: i need to know-- [3]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Genderswap, Hurt/Comfort, Van Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 19:38:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18505702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nolightss/pseuds/nolightss
Summary: josh is quiet tonight.





	would that i

**Author's Note:**

> short little scene set during regional at best touring. tyler's pov.
> 
> title from hozier's _would that i_.

josh is quiet tonight.

the day had been long, you suppose. hours and hours spent driving between midwestern cities, bookended by shows and restless nights. you're not even sure where you are right now. rest stops start to all look the same after awhile.

you turn towards josh, pressing against her side. she lets out a breath, as if she'd been holding it tight. you put a hand on her chest, feel her heartbeat, feeling her lungs settle beneath her ribs.

"penny for your thoughts?" you ask, voice low.

josh is quiet for a long moment. you watch the lights from the highway make streaks across the van's ceiling. their urgency mimics the heartbeat pressed to your palm. you're about to ask again, when--

"are you scared, tyler?" it's hushed, like a rumor whispered in your ear. her face is shadowed, eyes closed. her chest rises and falls beneath your hand. you take a breath.

"yeah," you answer, almost as quiet. "yeah, i am." you sit in silence for a few moments. "what are you scared of?"

a car passes the van in the parking lot, casting josh's face in sharp contrast. her brows are tight, her sweet face creased with worry.

"i'm scared i'm going to break," she says. it's shaky. you nod, encouraging. "i'm afraid i won't be able to handle everything that's thrown at us." she pauses, breathes. "i'm afraid that i won't be able to protect you," she whispers.

you shift your position, now hovering over her. she opens her eyes. the brown looks nearly black in the light, full with fear and promise. you press your palms to her cheeks, fingertips rubbing against the overgrown undercut there.

"i think you're underestimating your own strength, angel," you tell her.

"i--," she starts, her lashes growing thick with tears. "i don't want to lose you," she gets out, breathing deep. "you make yourself so vulnerable, what if it gets too much?" she closes her eyes. tears escape, and you catch them with your thumbs. "i'm so scared, ty," she whispers wetly.

you bring her head to your chest, rocking, soothing. you run your fingers through her hair, working through the curls, scratching her scalp with bitten nails. "breathe, josh," you whisper against her hair. she smells like old spice. you hold her close, pressing your bodies together. you hold her so close that you become one form, a crying girl on the side of a highway, who misses her mother.

minutes pass, or maybe hours. maybe days have gone by and you haven't let each other go. josh pulls her head from your chest, then, eyes red and puffy.  
"sorry," she says, looking at the fresh tear stains on the front of your shirt. you laugh, even if it's not funny. she humors you, giving you a shy smile, lips impossibly pink. you kiss her forehead. she sniffles, and leans against your chest again. you maneuver you both to lay down, sinking into the lumpy mattress.

the lights still float by, but they're comfortingly at odds with josh's heartbeat. you feel it, pressed against your own chest, as if your heart and hers are just inches from touching.

"love you," josh mumbles, muffled against your neck. you squeeze her closer to you, arms looped around tenfold. she's so, so warm.

"love you too, dude," you answer. there's a tiny laugh in her chest, fleeting and fond, and it settles between you. it sort of feels like a home, you think.

-

that morning, when it's your turn to drive, she sits beside you. you braided her hair in the rest stop showers that morning, perched on the sink while she told you about a dream she had. you kissed her after that, little pecks behind her ear until she turned around and gave you one right on the mouth. her giggles echoed against the tile. you could bottle that giggle.

she toys with the end of the braid now, one hand fiddling with the perfect curl at the end, the other holding yours over the gear shift. she points out cows in their fields and yellow cars as they pass by. you wonder if she forgot about last night. the car grows quiet for a stretch. your palms itch.

"i wouldn't do this with anyone else, you know," she says, quietly. you look over, pulling your eyes from the road.  
"yeah?"  
"yeah," she answers, voice tender and sweet. another pause. "oh, this field's got brown cows," she points out, finger pressed to the window. she turns back to you, smiling. "love you, dude," she says.

"love you too, dude," you echo back, and she smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm pouring my butch worries into josh, i cannot deny this. thank you for reading even if it's short.
> 
> come say hi on my [tumblr.](http://notdonenotdun.tumblr.com/)


End file.
